I Learned A Lesson And Listen Too. Gotcha.

Fuh. This is the first entry after the Hari Raya. I've been offline for only three days I guess but my blog already started to smell like shit. Nope. That's not my blog. That's my friend's futsal shoes. Dude, I'm gonna throw it away. No kidding this time.

It's always a good experiences going back to my hometown. Being with family. With friends. Being far away from this busy white-block city and dive into the green fresh environment. Away from facing what it seem like thousand dolls controlled by one hot autocratic finger called Mr Selfish.

Ok. Stop this self-hatred-monologue.

Now I'm back. And back to work directly. Night shift off course.

Owh. My young gunners were beaten again. Harsh. This time by the true-blues-clues. Shit man.

I love the 1Malaysia campaign on the tube and also on the radio but not the song.

I heard this one guy phoned the HotFM and dedicated the Siti Nurhaliza song and one-unknown-song to his boyfriend. And all his friends too. Erk. Maybe I miss-heard him. Pardon me mate.

Opss. I just discriminated. Am I?

Some guys said that working under pressure can bring the best of us. So I think this is the best of me since I'm so into pressure right now. Lol. They're lying.

By the way, I watch The Twilight Saga a couples of times already. Disheartened.

I need to sleep. I'll do blog-running later. After I woke up.

Good morning.


This one is in Malay.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha.
Do take care.
Be back real soon.

[this is an auto wish published entry]


Between flashing lights and 'L' word. I'm ADD.

It always my dream to be a rock star. You know have your own rock band. Traveling to see the fans. Goes on tour. Big concert. Flashing lights. All the groupies were like chasing you. And rock the stage like there was no more tomorrow.

It's cool rite?

But deep down I know that it was never going to happen. Why? Because I never have that talent. I never know how to play the guitar. I don't know how to play other instruments. Let alone being a singer. My voices sucks man. And it's sucks big times.

I've tried playing a guitar before. It didn't work. So I gave up. Then I tried drums. Still didn't success. So I give that a break too.

But giving up that dream. No way. I'll never do that. It'll always be my dream. Now and forever.

So girls keep asking why does some guys like really hard to say that 'L' word? It's simply because they are not that easy.

Take note. Duh.


Babe, you such a sweetheart.

Did you ever think of a word that unexpectedly end your bad day?

Let say your boss just rejected your silly indoor-fish-pond proposal. After that you missed your daily lunch time with your girlfriend. And she was so angry that she don't want to pick your call or even reply your sms. To make thing worst you lost your parking ticket and you have to argue with Nepalese security for two hours. Later on your housemate call to inform that he want you to move out from the house.

Wow. That's really sucks. Truly is. OK. Continue.

Then come this one word that brighten your day. Unexpectedly. But bright enough to lift all the stressed feeling you've been carrying the whole day. To put the joy back on your side. Got that?

Now. My word of the day is

Thank You.

Look, I'm still smiling. Duh.


Self Portrait : Crisis

Shit. I started to lose my
identity. Help me find it back.


I smile when I'm happy. I laugh when I'm sad.

I'm so busy lately. I've started my part-time job already. As a ____. No you don't need to know that. It's pretty easy but it's damn tired.

It's hard for me to do any blog-walking nowadays. Just visits those on my blog-list. Reply your comments. All this were done at five am. Post new entry at around six . Then get some sleep. Woke up at two pm. Online. Reply your comments. If any. Get ready to work at four pm. Works. Works. From five to three am. Reach home around four am.

And it keeps repeating. Bored huh?

Ok. I'll keep it to myself then.


I hate this feeling. It make me curious of everyone around me. And it built a kind of wall that separated me and you. Them and us.

If only I can find a magic stick to make it disappear.

So I just smile when I'm happy. And I laugh when I'm sad. Doubt no more.

Feel it? Fuck.


This one is nice. And it isn't a dream.

I walk through that dark street. Alone. With no guide. All my mate were like four miles ahead of me. That's when I found this beautiful trees. A lots of it.

I brought all this trees back home. Planted it carefully in my garden. It was quite amazing actually to believe that a normal guy like me been given the chance to grow the trees.

I saw this trees grow. Produced such a nice fruits.

I observed it. Fertilized when it required.

This trees accompany me. From my bright sunny day to my dark rainy night. I was bound by it.

One day I decided to give this trees a name. So I start thinking.

And thinking.

And thinking.


That's it. I'll name it "Friendship".

Mellowed here I am. Damn.


I dream of you last nite. A bad one.

I woke up that morning. Looking at my 25 ringgit watch. Damn. It still early. It's 2 in the fucking morning. I feel my body sweat. My blanket was like being taken out from the washing machine. Without a spinner of course. Wet.

Huh. Bad dreams surely.

Gosh. What is this? Another bad dreams. It's been three days in a row. I lay myself back on the bed. Trying to be in the sleeping mode again. It didn't work. I kicked my blanket off me. Feeling the sensational of the cold air washed through my naked body.

I locked my eyes to the empty ceiling while my mind travel to find the lost part. The bad dreams. But I failed. I remember nothing. Not even a single piece. Why? Why it's so hard for me to remember that dream?

I wish I could share that bad dreams with you guys. But I just can't remember it.

I'm glad I can't.


Drop Dead : Credit

This has nothing to do with drop dead clothing. Or drop dead gorgeous. What the heck is drop dead gorgeous? I've no idea. A film? Oh. I see.

My blog was getting crowded day by day. Thanks to ah fatt, razman, cinta lea ixora and green
successfull marketing strategies. Salutes you guys.

I gonna get some rest. Yes from writing. Thinking of going to Hawaii but from what I've seen at the cinema last night, Hawaii has turn into some kind of hot-pot. So change of plan.

New Zealand seem find but my ex was still there. Duh.

I've made my mind. I'll just have a holiday around Malaysia. Next stop; Pavilion, Kuala Lumpur for the next whole month. Damn.

Shit. I sound like a stupid comics artist try hard to finish his near-end dateline works. I really should take a month off.


A friend for example.

I want to tell you a short story. But I should think of a name first. Ali? Abu? No. Too typical. John? Okay?

Okay. John was a best friend of mine since I was six years old. He was like my big brother at that time. We do lots of good and bad thing together. I remember stealing comic books and fishing hooks at Uncle Ishak shop back when we were in standard four. Even worse when we got caught bullying the principal's son in standard six.

I then went to the boarding school but he choose to continue his study at my hometown school. Being home wasn't helping a lot for guy like John. He started to get into drugs and illegal race. And even bad he started to drink and fight. His academic performance was awful.

After the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia, John didn't manage to get himself into any university. So he decided to go out looking for a job. That's when he saw the police interview advertised in the newspaper. He phoned me. Asking whether I interest in the police job. I rejected him. Telling him my mom won't let me. John then try his luck. And luckily he success.

John was working under the narcotic department somewhere in Sabah and recently got caught for bribery and misconduct charges.

Stop provoking. Stop condemning. Think outside the box (wtf!!).

Here. Read my lips.


Why : Still?

I write my entry in English just to remind myself that my country was once been conquered by that damn British.

Should I say still?


Sorry baby. But you're no 2 on my list.

That's what I'm going to answer when my future wife ask me this question.

"Will I be the only woman you love?".

And hopefully she wouldn't dump me for this. Haha.


Because stand proudly at number one is my beloved mother. Gosh. I love my mom. After what seem like uncountable (dude, does this word exist?) things she had done for me, she truly deserved it. Okay. Now to the sad part. Go get your tissue girls. I lost my father when I was only seven years old. I was in standard one at that time. And my mother was nothing but a full-time housewife waiting to give birth to my younger sister.

Can't you imagine how hard it's to raise six cute little child without having a man watching her back. And of all the hard times she have been through. Only God knows. Sympathy? Keep it. It's been a while since we need that. No. I'm not going to tell you this kind of story. It'll make me cry just to think about all this. Let alone share it. Dude. Are you crying? You're so pathetic.~inner voice.

Why? Can't guys cry?

Hell yeah we can.

Take it or leave it. Duh.


Self Esteem : Defused

I read an article in the magazine today which stated that guys can't just accept when his spouse are doing much better than him. I mean in term of salary, career and etc.

I look to the wall. There's a mirror hanged. Stared.

What the fuck!!

Achtung!! Now I get it.

Nah. I don't know why but it seem that my last two entry wasn't really well delivered.

Those last entry was supposed to be discuss about promote vs provoke. And hell yeah I think I've made it. And the post about the contest was all nothing but a joke. But I think some just can't understand it or maybe worse stand it.

Hate it? Sorry but I can't just be more serious.

By the way, I'm thinking of collecting a hundred follower before the year end. So please promote me to your friend.

Got that dude? Promote. Fuck.


Promote vs Provoke

I just want to inform you guys that I've been selected as one of the finalist in the esoksemalam contest. You can read my super-not-cool story here. And then vote here. You can also read other contestants stories and vote for them too (hate me that much huh?). Terms & conditions apply.

Enough with contest. Back to the main topic.

I tell you a story (promote) but you hate (provoke) it.

Got it? It's damn simple.

Contest : Find A Me A Soulmate?

Since there are lots of blogger out there doing a contest for their fellow blogger and readers, I'm thinking of doing mine too.

This contest is easy. There's no need of birthday guessing. No need of essay writing (sorry lumut). Or even pictures flying (sorry bulan itu aku).

Here is how you can enter this contest:

All of the contestants need to find a girl and introduce her to me. This girl can be introduce by leaving a link (related to this girl) in my comments box. Or suggest her to my facebook account. Or you also can held a small blind date for us (better). I will select eight finalist who then will be on the running to be selected as my SOULMATE.

And here is how it will be judge:

I will be the jury and I'll decided everything. I don't accept any objection since it is my future we're talking about. I'll try my best to be as fair as possible. Bribery is not allowed. But a huge amount of money deserved a consideration. Haha.

See. I told you it's easy. As simple as that. So what are you waiting for? Send as many entry as you like. Closing date is on 30th November 2009. All the best.

I expect a minimum of 300 entries for this contest. So don't let me down. Haha. Damn.


Love & Lust : I choose Fuck. Ok?

Let me ask you a question first. Do you think Romeo was the right guy for Juliet? I mean do you think both of them were meant to be together? If yes why did they have to face such difficulties? Why can't they live happily ever after? Huh. Didn't I say 'a' question just now? Whatever.

Actually I never know the full story of this two love birds. Didn't even try to Google it though. But one thing for sure that both were from Shakespeare wise mind. Unfortunately he didn't live long enough to answer my wise questions. Haha.

Let see. I met a girl at a Mamak stall. Erk. No way. At the Pavillion Kuala Lumpur. Ok? Such a hottie. Cute face. Nice curve. Bump here and there. A hottie rite? Haha. I ask for her number. We go on a date. Fall in love. Got married. Have children. And then die.

Wait. How can I differ love and lust?

Maybe I'm just too naive to think about love. Damn.


It's a nice post. Was it?

I was bored that night so I asked my Pengkid classmate out for a dinner and she says,

"Dude, are you gay or something?"

Duh. What the fuck?

You might read this at my profile before. Yes. At the hoodie display. Before.

Sorry. I just can't get along with you.

I'm out of procrastination. At the moment.

I went to a Mamak stall last night. Morning actually. Around 2 am or something. Along with my three other friends. That's when I saw these two cute little girls. Cute. I'm telling you man. Real cute. Then I saw another two boys riding a motorcycle came and picked them up. Mat Rempit? Consider it a yes. Haha.

I said to myself. "Damn girl. You deserve more. Much more than that."

Gosh. Am I being discriminated?

Sorry to say but all of us discriminated. I discriminated. You discriminated. Its either you say it loud or you play it by your heart. But again we have to. Sometimes. Or maybe every times. Everywhere.

Because we're just human. We only love good things.

Believe it.

Should I put the example? Nah. Better not.



Tengok. I do know how to speak in Malay.

I put a snoopy picture on my display. Yes I'm muslim.

I've just finish commenting on Fatt Chin Choy entry on how unfiltered his blog is. I love this entry and I think I'm in the same situation.

I don't hide my identity. I don't have to do that. Why would I do that for? I'm not a government condemner where every words I said will put me straight to jail or qualify enough to climb onto the ISA list. Let alone the guy who write his entry from the unknown cave somewhere in Bora-Bora desert.

My words come from everything. It's all about what I see. What I feel. What I've experienced. It's just sometime when I think back. What if the readers know me. Or related to me. Or there are people that I've to face everyday reading my story. That's when I think I've to have a limit.

It's the same with my old one. It was like everything I said wasn't true anymore. I've to control my angst. I've to limit my craziness. I've to portray my blog-post the way I portray myself in the outside world. I've to put my aside my opinion and then what? lets the crowd do the talking. Shit.

Duh. I'm not being hypocrite. And it's not about hypocrite anymore. We live in the world full of hypocrite this whole time. Ask yourself. Wouldn't you mind telling the bad side of you to your dream girl on your first date? Or how many of you spend the days doing something that you don't like faking a fucking smile on your face?

Enough with the hypocrite. I went to a small event held by a group of blogger last month. It wasn't a gathering but it's more toward an art event and I was there to support them. Support their art. Support their passion since I too was into this kind of passion. A lots of blogger came. None notice me. Maybe because I was too handsome in my display picture. But I don't give a damn about it. It's never my intention to come there and have my name announce on my arrival. I went there to show my support.

It's not about how many fall-ow-err you have. It's about what you wrote. It's about honesty. If you can't being honest to your crowd, be honest to yourself at least.

Dude. Your kite was flying too high. It almost hit the sun. Bring it down a little.

This is what happen when I let my hand do the talking. Fuck.

It's small. So what? I'm proud of it.

Nah. I got you.

Actually this post has nothing to do with the title above. Nothing small to talk about and nothing proud to share too. I just playing my card. Trying to see how many of you guys interest in this kind of topic. And is it working? You tell me. Haha.

By the way, have you ever ever bump to this couple? One guy carrying a pack of tissue and the other guy is guiding the tissues guy from table to table. From restaurant to restaurant. Nicely say, selling it. Or badly say, asking for donation. "Dude. It's still nice. Say something bad. Cruel. Evil."<--- inner voice

No. I'm not going to say anything bad bout this guys. And I don't have anything against them. Not even a single small size of hate toward them. Now I'm talking bout small. Damn. It just, sometimes it appear to my mind the thought of whether this guys were real or something.

My housemate once told me that the guy guiding the tissues guy is actually a volunteer. They help this tissues guy by guiding them to their customer. They help them keep the money. Then another thought hit me. What if the guiding guy have bad intentions? What if he take some money for himself? This tissues guy won't even noticed.

And what if both of them were lying?

While I was thinking of all the bad thing about this two guys, another thought hit me. What if they're both real? What if I just give the money to them? And stop being curious. Lying or not it's all between them and God. At least I've done my part.

So I took my RM1 note and gave it to the tissue guy. Freed along my curiosity.

Just RM1? It's so small dude. You can't even buy a Teh Tarik with that amount of money. Bloah..


Rebel? No I'm not.

When you were wear out or tired of something, I bet you says"Fuck". You said "Fuck You" or "Go Fuck Yourself" when you hate someone or you want them die. And when you feel weird or shock, you'll say "What the Fuck".

Holy "Fuck". This offense word can be use to anything. Good or bad, It's you who decide.

I found this fill-in-the-blank quiz on this guy blog. I've change it to my new version since his was boring. Chill mate. Haha.

I'm so horny, baby. I need a good ____.

A. Buck
B. Suck
C. Duck
D. Luck

I'm no rebel. Mind my language. Yuck!!

What's your name again?

Remember your first day at school? Your teacher ask you to introduce yourself along with your nickname, hometown and ambition. Or didn't you remember introducing yourself to your senior, waiting for them to give you a specific name which you will carry through out the whole semester.

I've got this freak name while I was in secondary school and in university.

1. ....
2. ......
3. ...

In your dreams. I'm not going to share it with you. Duh.

One more thing when people gave compliments on any works or anythings that I've done. How should I reply them?

Should I say this:

Thanks. I'm the man rite. I'll surely win it.

Or should I fight it? Like this:

No. Yours are way better. Seriously. You gonna win it.

Pardon me Mr... Em. By the way. What's your name again?



I was in such a depressed mood tonight. Rejecting my girlfriend request to sent her home was one thing not to be proud of but not be able to attend her mother's birthday party was a shame. I'm sure she's hurt with my act. Gosh. It's been a while since our last date. And it's been a while since we last say that L word to each other.

This is all because of that girl. I barely known her. Not even close to know her real name. Just a few talks through the net and that's all. I found her through her electronic diary and we start to you know, get to know each other. I really enjoys reading her story. Her experience. Her honesty. Her angst.

It wasn't long before my girlfriend found out that I was having this electronic relation with this girl. I was posting some update to my electronic diary when she buzz through my yahoo messenger, keep asking me about the girl that commented on every entry I've made. I try to explain to her. Telling that this girl was someone who interested in my works, my art. But she thinks the other way and that sicken our relation. We haven't text each other ever since and today was the first time after the incident.

I drive straight to my office. It's already half past ten and my office was already empty. I made my way to my room. Switching on the table lamp while lightning up my Marlboro light. Damn. It's really stressing out here. I've got lots of thing to finish off. Works. Dateline. Girlfriend. I felt like shit right now thinking that I can't be there with her tonight. Thinking of how rude I've been act for the past day to her and my colleagues.

I blew this unhealthy smoke all over my room when I heard something. I stay still. Focus on the whispering sound. I looked around wondering if my friend was there trying to chicken me out. Shit. Nobody's here. I'm sure that the parking lot was empty when I came here. But I'm so sure that I've heard someone whispering my name.

I look at my laptop. Focus. Hell yes it's from there. It's from there. My laptop is whispering my fuckin name. Quite sure that the whisper come from there, I put a slight press on the space bar and the windows starts. I reach my mouse and point it to the Mozilla Firefox icon. And like the possessed guy in the Smallvile TV series, my fingers quickly hit the keyboard.


God. What was happening to me? I'm so addicted to this girl.


"blog esoksemalam best kerana.... it got lots of hot chicks viewing this page days and nights."

"blog esoksemalam tak best kerana.... the owner is famous than me. Ouchh."

Shit. I hate slogan.

Bedtime Shitty : Vampire

It was a breeze Tuesday morning. I was alone by myself trying hard to finish this vampiromance thriller for how many times i can barely remember. I too keep my face-that-book update at the same time having need to minimize this media player classic every single time the notifications appeared.

And this headphone is killing me. It was so tight. Shit. It's hurting my ears. My friends right there so eager to stay awake waiting for his out-of-form team battling against surely relegate the blues. Yeah rite. His eyes were half closed. I can see it from here. Get a bed dude!!

God I've got no idea to write bout anything tonight. I'm thinking of entering this contest made by this fellow blogger but due to my lack of creativity in writing I decided that it is better to keep it to myself. Besides did she accept an English entry? I better check the rules and regulations one more time.

"Dude, wake up. It's 3:50 already. The match has started. Wanna see or not?"

Where were we? Owh. The contest right. Can we just skip this part. It wasn't that interesting anyway compare to this crazy baseball scene. Damn they're fast. Their speed and their ability. Gosh. I'm sure lots of you must be imagined of owning this kind of ability while watching this movie. Hell no you won't.

Oh no. Here come the bad guys. Nah. Only three? What did you guys waiting for. Go and kick their ass. Stupid. Good guys always wasting times. Eh, should I be this excited? I watch this 3 or 4 times already. I even know the end of it. Lol.

Wait a moment. My phone is buzzing. It's my one-hand-clapping girlfriend. I need to take this.


I'm back!!! and the movie ended. Still I can't think of anything good to write. Shit. Hey what about this. Three losses that you face by being a girlfriend or boyfriend of a vampire. Sound great. Lets see.

3. You can't make any birthday surprise since they can read your mind. Duh.

2. You need to finish all the veges alone during meals.

1. They don't sleep. You sleep alone. If you know what I mean. Damn.

Why can't i think of anything great this morning? I better check out Maria Ozawa new vids on Tube 8. Who knows if that will bring me some inspiration for my next post. Lol.

Sign out.


"It's 2-1 already. What a fool. Go find another club man"


He Such A Coolie

This guy put one-word-entry on his blog and the whole crowd start to talk about it. It was a damn cool rite. I bet he can be the politician guy someday. And surely the good one because we already have lots on the other side.

Nice. I'm going to make one-word-entry too next time and lets see how many person have interest on it.

One word dude, COOL. Keep up.

Didn't I sound too gay?

How Do Guys Spend Their Weekend?

"Excuse me mate. I got a question here. I bet you can tell me. Cause you look like a real guy though. Cool guy. Is that what you call it mate? Innit? Aite. Here's the question."

What do real guys needs to survive their weekend?

What? Have you ever think about this? I saw this on one of my ex-housemate shirt and it list three major thing that a real guy needs in surviving their weekend. I wasn't going to list the same thing but this is from what I've experienced. Enjoy mate.

This the five thing that a guy needs to survive a weekend.

No 5: T-shirt, short pant and boxer.

No 4: Football match.

No 3: Mates who also enjoys football.

No 2: Nearby mamak stall.

No 1: A WIN off course.

I've just finish watching the-not-so-cool devils got their ass beaten by the true blue. Mr Blues whipped their asses hard. Although I only predict a draw for this. And now the top two is conquered by the Londoners with us got a game in hand and surely lots of goals different. Come on you gunners.

In ARSENE we trust!! Damn.

Love : Trust Me

Love is when you fall for someone. When you always think of that particular person or thing in every single thing you do. And you will do anything for this person to make them happy. You will try hard to show your existence. Show how much you care. Show that you'll always be there when they need you. Show that you can be count for anything.

Trust me. I know this.

Shit. I'm being mellow again.

First Post : Rejuvenated

This is my third time creating a blog. One of the blog still actives but it was actually more into Malay language. Another one has been deleted due to some fuckin problem. Didn't think it necessary to share it here.

I'm thinking of starting a new life. A blog life where I'm thinking of being honest. Being straight in addressing my opinion and my feeling. I'm hoping of letting you know my real story. How my reals life story playing. How uncool i am. How fuckin loser I've became.

That why I'm going to give you a little description on how my life has gone so far.

It was all started back around 1986 when i was first coming into this cruel world. My dad off course a man and my mom surely a woman must be the happiest person in the world that day. I was the third from six and we were in a state somewhere at the north at that time.

It wasn't long before my family moved to the east cost region. To the place where it hard to find a shopping complex unless you're willing to spend hours traveling to the nearest city. It was all jungle around and the thought of bumping into wild animals always cross my child mind.

My primary school time was awesome. I was always one of the smartest guy in the class. Maybe because my mom was there. Not as a teacher but as a gardener there. I've lost my father when i was in standard one so my mom have to take all the responsibilities. Depending on a palm oil income wasn't a clever idea to save stomach of seven. My mom was a hero. Clap-clap.

After successfully graduating my primary school, my mom send me to a nearby boarding school. This is where my life really get started. Here i started to learn a lots of thing. Unease to say lots of bad thing. Most of my B-side experience come from here. But that is what make my life so special. So interesting.

My end product wasn't a great one. I fail to get into any university after the SPM result announced. But it's not all about my result. It was my stupid mistake for didn't manage to get my hands to the form. Fuck.

I ended up working for a company serving food to the boarding students. This last for a quite number of times. And it was hell lots of fun. Being a young blood with lots of money in hands did so less in contributing to my already dark life. I quit after nine months due to a little clash with my stupid boss.

It was a fasting month when i got a call up from this public university offering me an accounting study. And hell yeah i accept it. I'm going to be a student again. But it all didn't work well. My student life wasn't that great. I've to extend my studies and my mom have to support me for the whole semester. Shit. I'm such an L.

After graduating, i fail to get myself into the degree level. I was in such a depression mode. I try looking for a work through job street and etcetra but there's no offer come. I'll spend all six months doing nothing at home. I watch TV for the whole days. Eat when I'm hungry. Sleep at anytime of the day. I was in such a mess.

Finally i got an offer from this same public university. Although the course offered is different from what I've learn for the last three years, I'm still going for it. I've just finish my second semester last Monday and now hoping that I'll still be there next semester. Wish me.

Fuck I'm so sleepy. It's 4:40 am already. All my mates must be enjoying their wet dream rite now. I'm going for it too. I'm thinking of having Lisa Surihani accompany me tonite. Damn.