The art of losing : Multiplying choices.

I was wondering on which one of this hurt most; losing someone to death or to break up.

A. Death. Thank you, god.
B. Break-up. Don't ask me why.
C. Wait until I killed my ex.
D. Society exhaust me, man. Like seriously.

Or should I stop taking life seriously? Nobody ever gets out alive anyway.

Fuck then.


Bad guys aren't stupid. They just don't know when to stop. And how too.

"Dude stop. "

He turned his head with 'why' look drawn on his face.

How can he stop? Why should he? He was two feet away from achieving what most called the new stage of his life. The stage where one simple order will result in twenty thousand mobs holding hand ready to commit suicide. War. For him.

He worked his heart for this.

"No way."

And he took his next step. Neither knowing nor expecting it'll be his last. His doomed. His burial.



"Duh. I just got dump. I'm being single and affordable again. I'm so super not cool. What the fuck."


Douchebag is the last name of a lover.

I lay myself on the coffin-shape two seater sofa, cracked, counting an extra-ordinary sheep jumps over a pale white pole when I suddenly saw the previous me.

I miss those days. The day where I can't just simply put myself into that black sticky mud with no one to sing me a 'hey, don't do that' song. The day where stars and moon were just centimeters away from my head but with zero chances of plucking it. The day when earth will never start spinning unless I ask him to.


I lighted one of the cigar only to quench it back. Shame I didn't smoke. I just don't brave enough to start it.

I just don't have that guts. That's what my problem is.

How many times have I bumped into this uncivilized dude who throw out shit from his red shinny Ferrari. Worst when it hit my second-hand local-made car. But being a dude with no baseball bat nor a hockey stick in his car to come out with, I choose to continue driving.

And pull the wiper trigger to clean up all the mess that guy caused.

Back at that time when I saw a pregnant woman broadened her eyes looking for a seat in a packed train. I was thinking of giving her my seat but my coward side hold firm enough to deny me from standing up and offering her my seat.

And I let other douchebags takes all the credits. All the applause that previously and suppose-ly belong to me.



This is crap

Have you ever feel angry but you totally have no idea what the fuck makes you angry? Have you ever feel anger and you want to put all the shit behind by escape to Lombok? Ever think about it? If not, it's good then. Because I want to be the special-freak-weirdo-looser one who have that kind of thoughts. It just, I lie bout the Lombok thing. There are much more beautiful place, vintage places that I can chose to run and obviously it's not Lombok.
Many things made me lost my mood today. May be caused by pms, may be caused by tired, may be caused by satiety, may be caused by irritated. But the main caused is I am fed up. Fed up with the same daily routine. Fed up with the same person who smoke in the elevator [You sucks man!]. Fed up with myself who do nothing to get rid the-fed-up-feeling.

If possible, I wanna learn how to bake a cake. Cupcakes better. I wanna decorate that cute little cupcake by do a writing style FUCK YOU at the center of the cupcake. Or else, decorate it by a picture of skull bone, or Marilyn Manson. Let people get ticklish. Let people hate my lil cupcake. Let people isolate me.
If possible, I wanna learn how to sew a shirt, sweater is better. It will keep me warm. I wanna decorate it with the words DON'T COME NEARER. Let people read, understood and hopely will go away. I will be alone at last. But I know people nowadays do [pretend] not to understand the language, the sign. They are always broke the rules. Pretend they actually care. Bullshit.

But reality check please Shax. You don't know how to make cupcakes, and you don't even know how to sew. Sigh.

What I know is I wanna lay myself on my bed, listen to this. And hoping there is a miracle that can get rid this fucking stomachache from me. Let me be in my very own world. Let my mind go up up and away~